All to Him I Owe

Ephesians 6:4 “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”

Colossians 3:21 “Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.”

_______

1. Discipline your child with (or out of) anger.

2. Scold your children publicly with sarcasm and mockery.

3. Compare our children with other children.

4. Deliberately embarrass our children in public.

5. Creat double standards that make it hard for children to know what to follow or do.

6. Inspect what you haven’t given an expectation for.

7. Never admit your wrong  or ask their forgiveness for wrong doing.

8. Promise things but not fulfill them.

9. Require things that are beyond their physical or mental abilities.

10. Give them regular critique and seldom share praise.

 Curiosity may have killed cats, but it has also harmed many teenagers. Curiosity has been defined by an “eagerness to learn” or a “willingness to pry to find information.” Both of these phrases aptly describe many teenagers around us and in our homes. We have teens that are eager to learn, and are willing to pry to find out information. As parents and individuals who interact with teens we must consider the following thoughts about “curious teens.”

1. We must assume they are curious. Teens are not as apathetic as we think they are. They are curious and they are searching.

2. Their curiosity is the evidence of questions that exist in their life. Any time we see teens searching or experimenting we must remember that there is a natural curiosity within them driving them to find answers.

3. The world is giving our teens answers (sadly many of them are the wrong answers).

4. Some teens are learning the answers to their curiosity questions the hard way (through experimentation). They may learn the answers but there is a baggage that often comes from those answers they recieved the hard way. There are memories, images, experiences, and emotional scars that often accompany curiosity questions that were learned the hard way.

5. Answers from a parent can help save teens from finding wrong answers to their curiosity questions. Most teens will not initiate certain questions to their parents because of the awkwardness that accompanies some questions. However, please remember…the value of right answers to their questions should outweigh any awkwardness we experience. I hope that both parents and teen workers would be willing to initiate the conversations and teach our teens regardless of the awkwardness we may experience.  

At the heart of this thought is the idea that we shouldn’t want our teens to always learn everything the hard way! There are scars, and baggage that come with many of our teens curiosity. May we take the message of Ephesians 4;14-15 to heart and present the truth in love to the teens around us.

For the sake of our teens,

P.Ron

The Tools of a Spiritual Leader in the Home—Prayer

Nothing of any eternal significance occurs apart from God.  John 15:5 says, “Without me ye can do nothing.” Most of us are doers. We solve problems by seeing the need and addressing it through whatever means accomplishes success. At the same time, many Christians seem to think that prayer is passive or too simplistic to be of any real significance. Taking time to pray can sometimes seem like a waste of time or something we only do if we have extra time. But spiritual leaders in the home must use the tool of prayer. They must be convinced that it is not a waste of their time but rather the greatest use of their time.

I Peter 5:7 – The stressed-out parent’s lifeline

Parents daily carry the cares of their children. Even parents whose children are out of the home give testimony to the fact that they still carry a weight of concern for them. So what should parents do with all of that concern?      I Peter 5:7 says, “Casting all your care upon Him for He careth for you.” The word casting means the act of heaving, or of thrusting a heavy load that is about to slip through your grasp. It is the final exertion of energy that you give before something falls from your hands. Are you there in parenting? Are the concerns and weights of leading in your home wearing you out? The lifeline of prayer is available to all of us parents to be used in the raising of our families.

Jeremiah 33:3 – The clueless parent’s instructor

“Call unto me and I will answer thee and shew [tell or teach] thee great and mighty things thou knowest not [clueless].” God has a way of giving instruction to the praying parent. He teaches them His ways through prayer and in turn enables them to parent in a way consistent with His character.

May each of us parents equip ourselves with the tool of prayer!

Learning,

Pastor Ron

The Tools of a Spiritual Leader in the Home

A family without problems doesn’t exist. In fact, the moment you think you have solved one problem, you immediately realize you have another one. After having our first daughter, I thought that we had parenting figured out. With our only having one child at the time, we could place all of our attention on figuring out how to deal with her problems.  But shortly after the birth of our second daughter, I realized that there were some things that worked for our first child that wouldn’t work for our second. God was intent on keeping us learning and not coasting. Parenting children keeps us learning and regularly picking up tools that enable us to do the job better within our homes.

So, what is in your toolbox?

Many parents begin the process of parenting with a small collection of tools in their toolbox. For example, many have the tool of observation—they have seen things in other parent’s lives that they have noted and desire to use in their parenting. Many parents also have the tool of experience—they parent in certain ways because that is the way they were raised. Some use the tool of manipulation, bribing their children into certain forms of behavior, while others use the tool of fear, forcing certain types of behavior. The point is that all parents have a toolbox, but do they have the right tools in the toolbox?

“The man whose only tool is a hammer finds that most of his problems look a lot like nails.”

Parents’ tools are revealed by how they view their problems. Likewise, their view of their problems is revealed by what tools they use. In the weeks ahead, we will be examining the toolbox of a parent who desires to be a spiritual leader. For now, let’s just ask ourselves if there is a tool we’re currently using that we know we shouldn’t be using.

Learning,

Pastor Ron

Spiritual Leadership in the Home

Dad and Mom want to be spiritual leaders. They are willing to lay down their agenda for God’s agenda and to lead the family according to that agenda. But where in the Bible do they find that agenda? Genesis? Ephesians? Proverbs?

Crystal Balls and Encyclopedias

Some people think of the Bible as a crystal ball that supernaturally informs the reader of his divine destiny. Others wish that the Bible were like an encyclopedia where they could just look up a topic for which they want answers. But the Bible does not operate like either of these. Instead it reveals to us Who God is and what He has done.  Remember the account given to us in Luke 24:13-27? There it states that Christ took the Old Testament and revealed Himself to the two with whom He was walking. The purpose of the Bible is to reveal Christ to us.

So, Dad and Mom want to be spiritual leaders. They are looking into the Bible to find out Who God is and what He has done, but how can this help them figure out God’s agenda?

The Word of God teaches us the ways of God that we may know the will of God.

The more we know what a person is like, the more we know what they expect. There are things within the realm of parenting and marriage that God’s Word does not specifically address. However, the more we know what God is like and how He has worked in the past, we can come to discover what God would expect in the various situations we find ourselves in.

Spiritual leaders must be in the Bible on a regular basis, but not just reading to fill their quota and not just reading with the hope that it will make them have a good day. Spiritual leaders read that they may know Who God is and what He has done so that they may know and do His will.

Learning,

Pastor Ron

Spiritual Leadership in the Home

The Greatest Obstacle to Spiritual Leadership

We left our discussion last week with this definition of spiritual leadership: “Spiritual leadership is moving people on to God’s agenda.” A prominent mistake that leaders make is to think that leadership is merely choosing what must be done. However, the great responsibility of spiritual leadership is not just choosing what must be done but figuring out what God wants done and then influencing others to do it. The great obstacle to spiritual leadership is a leader’s own agenda. He or she must be willing to lay down that agenda to pick up God’s agenda and do it.  

Just because I think it’s right doesn’t mean it is right.

Proverbs 12:15 “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes.”

Proverbs 14:12 “There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end                      thereof are the ways of death.”

Just because it feels right doesn’t mean it is right.

Proverbs 28:26 “He that trusteth in his own heart is a fool.”

Because God has said it is right, it is right.

A bumper sticker emerged a number of years ago that said, “God said it, I believe it, that settles it.” Every time I have seen that sticker, I have wrestled with the order of the statement. It should more appropriately say, “God said it, that settles it, I believe it.” God’s Word is not settled because I believe it; it’s settled because God has spoken it. The issue is whether or not I will believe what God has said.  What most of us face when it comes to spiritual leadership in the home is whether or not I am willing to lay down my agenda for God’s agenda. Am I willing to believe that God’s will and way is the right way? Before a leader can properly move people to God’s agenda, he must be convinced that God’s agenda is better than his own.

Learning – Psalm 18:30 “As for God His way is perfect.”

Pastor Ron

Valuable “No’s”

Think about this concept. Every time we say no, we are actually saying yes to something else. For instance, when a father says no to an extra hour of work, he is saying yes to something else. When a family says no to going to church, they are saying yes to some other activity. When a person says no to reading his Bible, he is saying yes to something in its place. A practical way to determine the value of a no is to see the yes that is on the other side of the no. A valuable no is determined not only by saying no to the right thing, but also by saying yes to the right thing.

Self-Control

A person who has learned to say yes and no to the right things has learned the fine art of self-control. But is a valuable no just self-control? Sometimes our self-control can simply be motivated and controlled by what we want. For instance, what about the child who really wants the new bike and saves every penny to get it or the athlete who is determined to set a new goal and works towards that end. Those individuals are demonstrating self-control, but is it the most valuable no? Is there a valuable no that is demonstrated by spiritual self-control?

The most valuable no

The most valuable no is not motivated by what I want, but rather by what God wants. Spiritual self control is the ability to make valuable yes and no choices that are controlled by what God wants. Parenting gives us the daunting but rewarding task of teaching our children how to choose valuable no’s.

Learning,

Pastor Ron

A Riddle

I only have two letters, but I contain great value. I can destroy, but if I am used correctly I can bring great joy. I am used by some people all the time, but others do not use me enough. I was the first word some children ever learned. Who am I? I am the word no.

Observations

The word no is valuable! Proverbs 25:28 says, “He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.” The person who has not learned how to tell himself no lacks the protective nature of that word.  Consider Matthew 16:24: “If any man will come after me, let him deny himself.”  Here we learn that saying no is a crucial ingredient to following Christ. God considers the word no to be valuable. As parents, have we taught our children the value of this word, or have we subtly de-valued it in their eyes?

How Parents can De-value the Word No

• By allowing a childish, rebellious no to become their entertainment  [ie. Laughing at the child’s public no’s of rebellion
• By not having any follow-through to the no’s they give their children. [ie. Not giving consequence to the child’s rebellious no’s]
• By not illustrating good no’s in their own lives.

May God help us to stop finding humor in the rebellious no’s of our children and to follow through with wisdom as we discipline the disobedient no’s; and may He give us grace that we may illustrate wise no’s in our own lives.

Learning,

Pastor Ron