All to Him I Owe

Our lives often resemble the congestion of a busy highway—people passing by us at lightning speed, while we tightly grip the steering wheel of life trying to make sure we stay in our lane and don’t crash into anyone on our way to our intended destination. Life is busy; but God put us on this earth for the purpose of touching people and sharing with them the good news of the Gospel, on our way to Heaven, our final destination. So how do we do that gracefully, without it feeling like we are just crashing into people as we fly through life? By merging into their lane of life with the use of some good on-ramps. Each of us needs to be building relationships, or on-ramps, into the lives of others. The following tips may equip you in this process.

1. Know your destination and build on-ramps that enable you to reach that destination.

Did you know that the famous London Bridge is actually in Arizona and goes absolutely nowhere? In 1968, Robert McCulloch purchased the bridge for $2.5 million. Each brick was individually coded, and then the bridge was transported to Lake Havasu City, Arizona, where it was meticulously reconstructed brick by brick at a further cost of $7 million. Next, a channel was constructed underneath the bridge in order for water to actually flow under it. The irony is that the London Bridge is right next to the Colorado River, which at this particular spot has no bridge going over it, even though there is a legitimate need for one: the nearest crossing points for the residents of Lake Havasu City are either thirty miles to the north or twenty five miles to the south. Great effort and expense were put into building a bridge that really goes nowhere.

Many of the relationships we have built are just like the London Bridge: they don’t go anywhere, because we have not determined our final destination. Our initial destination for any relationship is a clear presentation of the Gospel. But our final destination is leading that person to Christ, discipling him, and then having him join us in helping others come to know Christ.

To build good on-ramps, know where your relationships are designed to end, and build with that destination in mind.

2. On-ramps do not build themselves.

On-ramps, or relationships, are not built through a particular program of the church. They are built by people. Building on-ramps will require initiative and hard word on YOUR part.

That initiative takes the form of a one-on-one, which means much more than just talking to people. I like to define a one-on-one as the process by which we stop our world to connect to someone else’s—and that’s where the hard work comes in.

3. Investment and time are the concrete that makes strong, healthy on-ramps.

On-ramps are strengthened and made healthy through investment, which typically requires both your time and your dime. That means that initially, in order to strengthen that relationship, you may have to drive farther than the one you’re investing in, pay more than he does, and sacrifice more than he does.

But the relationship will begin to grow even stronger and healthier when there is a two-way investment. A practical way you can encourage this is to allow your new friend to begin to invest in you. Ask him to teach you things that he does really well. If he is a grill master, let him teach you how to grill better. If he is good at a particular hobby, allow him to show you his skill. The things that people are good at are often the things they love. When we like what they love, relationships deepen.

In addition to investment, good relationships are strengthened through time. Although the Exchange Bible Study is designed for just four weeks, it may take you a number of weeks, even months, to build a relationship to the place that enables you to start that four-week study. We must abandon the idea that gospel Bible studies will only require four weeks of my life. It will require a significant investment of time to build the relationship for the sake of the gospel and to continue the relationship for discipleship after the person has accepted Christ.

4. Create an on-ramp that has a family environment to it.

Hosting a new friend in your home, a friend who feels like not much more than a stranger, is much different than hosting a family member you love and enjoy. It feels awkward at first, and that’s normal, but our goal is to do some things to intentionally overcome that awkwardness and make our new friend feel like family. Maybe these practical suggestions will help you.

First, use your homes and specifically your dining room table. Christ often gathered with the lost and His disciples around a meal. The act of gathering around a table in your home for a meal creates conversation, which in turn builds relationships. Perhaps your dining room table has become an unofficial storage spot, forcing your family to gather in front of the television for meals. Could I encourage you to clear off that table, prepare a simple meal, and invite your guests to be part of your family around the table?

Second, include the whole family in your pursuit of relationships with the unsaved. Your spouse and children can be part of the team that helps you reach people. The multiple personalities and interests within your home may be the tools necessary to make the people around you connect. If you are going to reach people for the gospel and then disciple them well, they are going to need to start doing life with you AND your family.

Third, invite people to join you for the normal things of life, not just the big events or the special services at church. Backyard BBQ’s, a walk around the neighborhood, watching the big sports game in your home, attending a concert or movie together—all of those normal things of life are not quite so daunting to an unbeliever; and you may find that they prove to be a good method for building on-ramps into people’s lives.

When you were learning to drive, you spent a lot of time on back country roads far from the intense traffic. At some point, you had to leave the country roads, drive down an on-ramp, and enter into the traffic on the freeway. Your knuckles were white, and fear gripped your heart (and probably your passengers’ hearts as well). Over time, though, the fear went away; and driving on and off the freeway just became part of driving. In a similar way, don’t be surprised if building on-ramps and then merging into the lives of people frightens you. Your first steps in building those on-ramps may feel awkward; but over time, it will just become part of living. When merging your life into the lives of others becomes normal for you, you will be accomplishing the purpose God has for you here on earth.

People like you and me tend to drift between two extremes when considering our past. Some people believe the past is nothing, causing them to simply focus on today. Their mentality is, “I just need to do right today. I will be fine. The past happened, but it doesn’t affect today.” Other people believe the past is everything, causing them to believe that they are failing today because of the past. Their mentality is, “My emotional state is tied to my past. Your past needs to be changed in order for me to be of any true value today.”

Both of these extremes are problematic. If the past is nothing, then why did God give us an ability to remember? Students of Scripture cannot escape the many examples of men and women whose past was instrumental in making them the servants of God that they were.

The view that the past is everything is equally troubling. The Scripture never encourages us to see ourselves as helpless victims who are unable to change. To be told you are a helpless victim may provide temporary comfort but not lasting comfort.

So, what is the right perspective?I submit that our past is something, because it is an evidence of the goodness and grace of God.

When a person thinks theologically, he can find his past to be something that illustrates the great goodness and grace of God. The key is thinking correctly about God. Many of our pasts are filled with the following:

• Unanswered Questions
• Unaddressed Hurts
• Unsolved Problems
• Unwise Choices
• Unconfessed Sin
• Unlearned Lessons

All six of these contribute to our past being a heavy weight to us when we fail to process them through a right thinking about God. When some people look back over their past, they think it consists of nothing but the bad; but a careful review of the past with a Scriptural lens may reveal that God was doing a good and gracious work in your life.

The famed preacher C.H. Spurgeon struggled with bouts of depression and deep discouragement but found what he called a healing balm. Here is what he said, “Oh, there is, in contemplating on Christ, a balm for every wound; in musing on the Father, there is a quietus for every grief; and in the influence of the Holy Ghost, there is a balm for every sore. Would you lose your sorrow? Would you drown your cares? Then go, plunge yourself in the Godhead’s deepest sea; be lost in his immensity; and you shall come forth as from a couch of rest, refreshed and invigorated. I know nothing which can so comfort the soul; so calm the swelling billows of sorrow and grief; so speak peace to the winds of trial, as a devout musing upon the subject of the Godhead.”

To the person struggling with your past, think right about God and immerse yourself in the richness of His character. You will find that your past is a wonderful testimony to the goodness and grace of God. Our past weakens us and weighs us down when we fail to see it through a Scriptural view of God.

I had the privilege of playing little league baseball for much of my youth. Though I had the opportunity to pitch for a few seasons, my primary position was always catcher. During one of the playoffs, a hitter stepped away from a wild pitch and erratically swung his bat, hitting me in the head. Although I had a helmet on, my head got rattled; and I began to experience dizziness. Coach pulled me from the game, and I got sidelined for one our biggest games of the season. I hated being sidelined! I wanted to be in the game. I didn’t want to just watch the team work; I wanted to be doing the work.

Similarly, there are times in our ministries where we feel like we got sidelined. Physical maladies, trials outside our control, and sinful struggles that leave us feeling inadequate are all things that can seem to pull us from the front lines of ministry. When those things have hit my life, I have often asked the Lord, “Why? What are you doing? Why have you sidelined me?

Have you ever wrestled with those same questions?

It is hard when you move from being very busy and active in ministry life to suddenly sitting on the sidelines out of play and wondering what our role is to now be. It is easy to be tempted on the sideline and to withdraw into a self-focused emotional cocoon and lose heart. We begin to think, “After all, what good am I anyway?”

I would like to share four simple thoughts with you for the times when we feel sidelined in the work of God.

1. Focus on what God is doing, rather than what you are not doing. I love Exodus 14:13 when God tells the Israelites to “stand still” at the water’s edge, while the Egyptians were bearing down upon them. The human instinct would have been to turn around and fight or jump in the water and swim! But God told them to stand and see. We miss seeing the mighty hand of God at work when we are focused on what we can’t do, rather than on what God is doing. The Israelites got to observe one of the greatest miracles in the Bible by standing still and watching. The sea split, the ground was made dry, and Egyptians died without the Israelites ever lifting a sword! Don’t miss out on seeing the work God wants to do when you are sidelined.

2. Do the little that you can with the little that you have. The last few years have brought a new malady to my life that happens every fall. I get a kidney stone! My kidney stones have resulted in long days in bed, sleepless nights, even a few hospital stays. I am sidelined! I can’t read my Bible, preach, teach, check email, or meet with people. I’m out of commission. I’m slowly learning that though I’m limited, there are little things God still allows me to do. Sleepless nights have found moments of special prayer for others suffering in our church. I have also found that rather than going on visitation, I’m the object of others’ visitation. When I’m visited, I have an opportunity to minister from my bed to those God sends. When you find yourself on the side line, do the little you can with the little that you have.

3. Don’t miss the lessons that are taught in the classroom of inactivity. Just because you are sidelined from the front lines of ministry doesn’t mean God is going to stop ministering to you. Seasons of inactivity are creatively designed by God to teach you some things that you could perhaps only learn in a state of stillness. Don’t be so frustrated with being out of the game that you fail to learn. Don’t miss the fact that God is doing something in you, though it may not feel like He is working through you.

4. Remember God works in our weakness. This is my final and most important point! II Corinthians 12:9 promises that the greater our weakness, the greater God works! The greater God works, the greater glory He receives. I often feel that my work for God has become pathetic when He sidelines me. But isn’t it true that my works for God are always pathetic? Any good that has ever come from these hands of ministry were because God did it! In God’s economy, He chooses to use clay pots and earthen vessels to do His work so that He will get full glory. The work of God doesn’t cease when we are sidelined! In fact, His work increases.

This is and always will be God’s work. It is a privilege to be part of God’s work, whether you are in the field or on the sideline. Don’t let a season on the sideline discourage you.

** Note: this post is a slight re-write from a previous post concerning our annual Men’s Retreat. **

Our annual Ladies Retreat is this weekend. We have 37 ladies signed up and ready to spend the weekend together enjoying the outdoors, preaching, good food, and fellowship. Each one attending the retreat incurs a cost. There is a financial cost to attend, a day off of work, a separation from family, and the cost of giving up your own bed to sleep in a camp bed! Though much is spent to make this weekend happen, there is also a value that comes from this weekend. I would like to submit five values to this weekend’s retreat.

1. The value of seclusion – There is great value in getting away from the busyness of work, family, and daily life. Cell phone coverage is limited and there are no tvs in the room, or newspapers delivered to your doorstep. The retreat really is a getaway that pulls us away from the normal voices that fill our ears on a daily basis and allows us to focus on the still small voice of God.

2. The value of concentration – Because of the seclusion that camp offers we are freed to concentrate on the things that matter most in our lives. Our spiritual condition is the most important part of us and is sadly the thing we sometimes overlook first in the busyness of life. The retreat offers a time to concentrate on our walk with the Lord and the spiritual needs that are present within our heart. The schedule is relatively relaxed. It is not hard to grab a chair, coffee and the Bible and just spend time with the Lord. The four times of Bible preaching support this concentration and serve as the platform to direct our thoughts towards our relationship with God.

3. The value of exposition – Our speaker this weekend is Mrs. Harriet Dickson. She will carefully explain the scriptures in a pointed way that helps each one hear the voice of God from the Word of God. Though we are going to enjoy shooting, paintball, good food, games and laughter the preaching of the Word is the most valuable of activities that we will experience.

4. The value of interaction – Most of our relationships at church are established as we meet together each Sunday. Our conversations are quick and filled with surface level conversations. Depending on where we sit in the auditorium there may be some ladies that you have never interacted with more than a nod, and a hello. This retreat allows you the value of an extended time of interaction with the ladies in our congregation. I hope you will come with a desire to meet someone new and build a stronger relationship with the ladies in our church.

5. The value of decision – The messages we  hear at camp will emphasize making a decision to live differently in response to the Word of God. In the quiet times of decision we have the opportunity to set a course for our lives that can affect us (and possibly our families) for all of eternity.

No one argues the cost of going to a weekend retreat. The cost is worth it though when we put into the context of the value of a retreat.

Are you striving for ministry competency or maturity in Christ? More and more I realize that a large portion of my efforts in ministry are spent trying to gain a certain level of competency in ministry, rather than a maturity in Christ.

Striving for a spirit of excellence in ministry and being adequately prepared for the ministry God has given us is not inherently wrong. But if we are not careful, it can distract us from what should be our main concern—growing in our maturity in Christ.

I’ve noticed that most individuals in ministry find themselves devoting a lot of attention to five areas of competency.

1. Administrative skills
2. Schedule management
3. Sermon preparation and delivery
4. Counseling skills
5. Event and program planning

A quick look at my weekly schedule would show all five of these areas permeating my calendar and to-do list. Many would call this the work of the ministry! When the bulk of our efforts are spent trying to develop these five areas, we can subtly find ourselves “grading” our success or failure based upon these areas. For instance, I spoke with a pastor recently who told me how discouraged he was in ministry, because of the messiness of his desk and because he seems to keep planning events at the last minute. He was discouraged, because he was basing his success solely upon his ability to improve in his administrative skills and event planning. Though I’m an advocate of both, I challenged him with his standard of success. Is success in God’s eyes based upon his administrative skills and event planning, or is there something more important at stake?

Ephesians 4:15 reminds us that God’s goal for us is to “grow up into Him in all things…” So, what does maturity in Christ look like? This list is not exhaustive, but it is a starting point.

1. Maturity in Christ is having a right definition of success in the ministry. True ministry success is faithfully doing God’s will. Regardless of the efficiency of my office, the creativity and depth of a sermon, or the wow of a recent event, God wants us to be faithful! Faithfulness is doing the right thing consistently, though I’m not seeing fruit immediately.
2. Maturity in Christ is living consistently in a state of dependence on the Spirit. It is so easy to do the work of the ministry in the flesh. The longer we are in ministry and the more skilled we become at certain aspects within the ministry, the easier it is to depend on ourselves, apart from the Spirit’s enablement. Self-dependent people do not pray; dependent people do! I read recently that John Fletcher was described as “staining the walls of his study with the breath of his prayers.” Could that be said of our cars, offices, and homes? Do we demonstrate a prayerful dependence on the Spirit?
3. Maturity in Christ is maintaining a desire for Christ’s glory over my own popularity. One of the reasons we are so driven to maintain ministry competency is that we hate the embarrassment of doing the ministry in a feeble way. That passion to not look poorly in the eyes of men can often become a driving motivation in all that we do. Instead of being concerned with the opinions of man, let’s be concerned about the glory of Christ. Is He being lifted up? Is He preeminent, or are we competing with Him for attention? I so appreciate the little phrase that was given to me a number of years ago: “Nothing to prove, One to please!” That is what it should be all about.
4. Maturity in Christ is guarding a daily routine of fellowship with Christ. Notice it is a daily routine of fellowship, not simply a daily routine. Daily routines of Bible reading, prayer, and meditation can often become just that—routines that we do with little thought or effort. They are more a habit than true fellowship with Christ. Our Bible reading and prayer life should be growing our level of fellowship with Christ, not merely our knowledge about Christ. Be careful about merely “double-dipping” in your Bible reading. That means, be careful about just studying for your next sermon and hoping to let that count for gaining a little fellowship with Christ. Sometimes the best thing we can do for our souls is to pick up the Bible and let it speak to us about us. This is far better than picking it up to hear what it says so we can just tell others what it says.

Don’t become bogged down with focusing on ministry competency. Make your goal this week to be maturing in Christ. When we have become what God wants us to be personally, we will have become what our ministries need us to be!

There is a room in our church that is creatively called “the Brain.” It is the room our leadership meets in once a month for the purpose of planning, praying and leading our congregation. There are a number of items posted on the walls to remind us of important principles that apply to our role as leaders. In 2012 the following principles were posted for us to remember and though 2012 is over I hope we will still use them in 2013 and the years to come.

1. The call to lead Faith Baptist Church in God’s will includes a call for us to diligently seek God’s will.

2. God’s will must always supersede our own personal opinions or desires.

3. We must be careful to avoid solely determining God’s will through:

• Another ministries practice
• The previous administration of this congregation
• What will help us avoid the most communication or conflict?

4. God will provide for that which is His will.

5. Our job is to know and lead the congregation in God’s will not to convince the congregation of God’s will.

6. God’s will is revealed through principles and the “ways” of God revealed in scripture.

Our annual Men’s Retreat is this weekend. We have 34 men signed up and ready to spend the weekend together enjoying the outdoors, preaching, good food, and fellowship. Each one attending the retreat incurs a cost. There is a $147 costs to attend, a day off of work, a separation from family, and the cost of giving up your own bed to sleep in a camp bed! Though much is spent to make this weekend happen, there is also a value that comes from this weekend. I would like to submit five values to this weekend’s retreat.

1. The value of seclusion – There is great value in getting away from the busyness of work, family, and daily life. Cell phone coverage is limited and there are no tvs in the room, or newspapers delivered to your doorstep. The retreat really is a getaway that pulls us away from the normal voices that fill our ears on a daily basis and allows us to focus on the still small voice of God.

2. The value of concentration – Because of the seclusion that camp offers we are freed to concentrate on the things that matter most in our lives. Our spiritual condition is the most important part of us and is sadly the thing we sometimes overlook first in the busyness of life. The retreat offers a time to concentrate on our walk with the Lord and the spiritual needs that are present within our heart. The schedule is relatively relaxed. It is not hard to grab a chair, coffee and the Bible and just spend time with the Lord. The four times of Bible preaching support this concentration and serve as the platform to direct our thoughts towards our relationship with God.

3. The value of exposition – Our speaker this weekend is Pastor Greg Wright. He will carefully explain the scriptures to us as men in a pointed way that helps us hear the voice of God from the Word of God. Though we are going to enjoy shooting, paintball, good food, games and laughter the preaching of the Word is the most valuable of activities that we will experience.

4. The value of interaction – Most of our relationships at church are established as we meet together each Sunday. Our conversations are quick and filled with surface level conversations. Depending on where we sit in the auditorium there may be some men that you have never interacted with more than a nod, and a hello. This retreat allows you the value of an extended time of interaction with the men in our congregation. I hope you will come with a desire to meet someone new and build a stronger relationship with the men in our church.

5. The value of decision – The messages we  hear at camp will emphasize making a decision to live differently in response to the Word of God. In the quiet times of decision we have the opportunity to set a course for our lives that can affect us (and possibly our families) for all of eternity.

No one argues the cost of going to a weekend retreat. The cost is worth it though when we put into the context of the value of a retreat.

Every yes we make is accompanied by a host of no’s! It is going to take effort and sacrifice for each one at FBC to say yes to coming to the services March 11th – 16th. To help us understand the value of your yes in the face of all these no’s I have put together a simple list of 10 things often overlooked. Give it some thought as you prepare now for this very important week in the life of our church.

Starting with number 10 we’ll move to the number one reason this week is valuable.

10. The Galkin team comes with tables of books and music resources for us to buy. It is a virtual store full of things that can help us grow in our Christian walk.

9. There are multiple ways for individuals to serve during this week. [Supplying meals, housing individuals, giving in the offerings, inviting guests, welcoming visitors, serving in the nursery, etc.)

8. There is a special blessing that comes from seeing a large group of people dedicate their week to serving with us in here in Folsom.

7. There is a special blessing that comes from our children and teens being exposed to a group of young adults serving God with their lives.

6. There is a special blessing that comes from hearing God glorifying music done very well!

5. It good for a us to be in a situation that forces us to pray hard and then see God answer those prayers.

4.There is value to a week dedicated to the constant preaching of God’s Word. The seeming overload of good preaching has a way of breaking through our hard hearts and getting our attention.

3. There is value to hosting a teen night that other small church youth groups can benefit from along with us.

2.There is something very encouraging about being in an atmosphere where people are responding to the gospel and getting saved.

1. There is GREAT value in dedicating our time to hearing the Word of God preached in a “decisional way” that forces us to consider our own spiritual condition and to make decisions accordingly.

I can’t wait to say yes to attending this week of meetings and seeing what God has in store for us. See you there!

The following article was written by Pastor Torrey Jaspers. It is an excellent article that gives many practical suggestions for helping the people around us grow spiritually. Give it some careful thought and lets try to put it into practice this year. — Pastor Ron

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One hundred and thirty miles east of Ironwood is a bridge that goes no-where. In 1968, Robert McCulloch purchased the Longdon Bridge for $2.5 million. They individually coded each brick and transported the bridge to Lake Havasu City, Arizona where it was meticulously reconstructed brick by brick at a further cost of $7 million. Great effort and expense went into the purchase, transport, and construction of this bridge that goes no-where. While the bridge was built next to the Colorado River, a channel had to be constructed underneath in order for water to actually flow under the bridge. Here is the irony, there is a legitimate need and use for a bridge over the Colorado River at this point. The nearest crossing points for the residents of Lake Havasu City are either thirty miles to the north or twenty five miles to the south. Great effort and expense was put inot building a bridge that really goes no-where.

Have you ever spent time and energy investing in a relationship that really is going no-where? By a go-n-where relationship, I mean a relationship that is basically built on temporal values. You can talk about the weather, last night’s game, or politics, but there is anot a consistent spiritual dimension to the relationship. Have you ever wished you could figure out ahow to take the conversation to a deeper level. To point that it actually begins to minster to their spiritual needs? What you are desiring is a relationship that ministers. Ministry is defined as a faithful endeavor to meet the spiritual needs of others – all to the glory of God. Have you ever wished you could figure out how to connect with a person so that you were meeting their spiritual needs, but you just can’t seem to figure out how to bridge that relationship gap?

I know that this thought has often come to my mind and it is a burden on my heart that my relationships would be, in some way, pointing people to know God both accurately and majestically. I would like to give 6 practical suggestions that just might help you construct  bridges of relationships so that ministry begins to happen.

1. Take Initiative:
You must view yourself as the leader in the relationship. As a leader you have to … well … lead! Sometimes you just have to just jump in and start the relationship. Don’t wait for the other person to take the initiative and come talk to you. It is your job. Go do it!

The best practical suggestion that make “jumping in” happen is to put that relationship on your schedule. Putting it on your schedule commits you to a time to do only that. As much as is possible don’t change the schedule for your first meeting, a change can set a poor atmosphere for the relationship.

Consider carefully using incentives. Incentives can be a great way to have the excuse to have a conversation. “Hey, can I buy you a Starbucks?” can be a natural way to jump start a relationship. Caution: incentives can also be misunderstood as being manipulative. Be honest about why you are wanting to buy them the Starbucks. Let them know, “I just wanted to spend a little time with you to see how you are doing.” If you notice they seem concerned about your motivations, realize that means that you need to make an extra investment into your “Trust-Fund” (see next section for explanation of this term)

Also, if you are nervous about this bold step, make certain that your confidence is in God. He has given you this opportunity to be His representative, so He will empower you to do His work. If you are fearful, take a moment to review your motivations. Are you driven by a desire to lovingly help others better know God? If son, whether you are accepted or rejected you are being faithful to your Lord.

2. Create Relationship:
It is important to figure out a way to start interacting. As you begin to interact remember that the other person very likely may not trust you. That is understandable. You don’t have a relationship yet. They may not open up to you and be willing to be spiritually vulnerable to you.

You need to earn their trust. The more you invest in their life, the more you are earning their trust. This is the idea of a “Trust-Fund” with them. The more you invest in them, the more they will trust you. The more you prove to be trustworthy, the more they will trust you.

Time is one of the most valuable currencies in relationships. Invest in the lives of others with your time. Figure out a way to spend time with that person.
What is the age of the person with whom you are wanting to build a relationship?
•    Junior? Juniors develop relationships through play. Here at camp, counselors can quickly build a relationship with a junior camper by just having fun with them. If you have taken the time to fun with an elementary age child, it is often quite easy to transition the conversations to spiritual things. Your investment of time by having fun earns you their trust, so find an appropriate way to have fun with them.

•    Teenager? Teens are trying to interpret life. If you can listen patiently and respectfully to a teenager talk about what is going on in their world and then help them with some practical answers for what they are facing in life that are based on God’s Word, you will go a long way toward earning their trust.

•    Adult? Often the best way to build a relationship with an adult is through times of difficulty. Don’t pass up an opportunity to help out a person going through a hard time, it will be a big investment in your “Trust-Fund”.

Demonstrate a willingness to sacrifice so that this relationship can happen. This allows you to be an example of a Biblical servant. If you give the impression that meeting them is going to be a hardship on you, then they will have a hard time opening up to you. They don’t want to be a bother, so be willing to be gladly inconvenienced.

Be willing to give to the relationship. This may mean you might have to, initially, drive the longer distance to meet. This may mean that you buy them the book or purchase them the first coffee.

Sometimes creating a 2-way relationship can jump-start a relationship. What is a 2-way relationship? It is when you find a way to learn from them. A way they can teach you something. This can be everything from a Junior teaching you a game, to a teen teaching you a new skill, to an adult helping you with a project that is outside of your abilities.

3. Map a Plan:
A relationship that ministers must include meaningful spiritual conversation. You can’t always just DO stuff together. You have to move beyond temporal topics and connect their heart with Truth.

Take some time to map out how you think you can help them. This may mean:
•    Identify what you perceive is their primary need right now
•    Connect that perceived need to a spiritual heart condition
•    Select a plan to address that heart condition

There are different approaches for different relationships. Identify what type of relationship you are wanting to develop. Here are a few examples:Is this a first meeting where you are just getting to know a person who is essentially a stranger? Is this a temporal relationship that you want to include a spiritual dimension? Perhaps it has been a fairly shallow relationship focused almost exclusively on temporal topics. Now you want to be able to talk about life-changing eternal truths. Is this a relationship where you need to confront another person? Is this a relationship where you are tapping into their potential for leadership and develop and direct that potential?

We must work hard to prevent relationships from merely maintaining the status-quo, and idtnify where this relationship is and what is the next step to give direction and purpose to the relationship. A mature leader is willing to lead where the other person needs to go, not just where the other person wants to go.

4. Set Atmosphere:
Identify the best setting for the conversation. This will look different for different personalities. One of the best ways that I have conversations with men is to go for a Jeep ride. There is something about both of you looking out across the desert rather than across a desk that makes it easier to talk about serious topics. It may need to be in your living room with snacks or in your office with your wife present.

Always be honest and upfront with the other person about your intentions and then always be true to those intentions. One associate pastor I used to know would say to me, “God loves you and I have a plan for your life.” Needless to say I had a hard time trusting him. He always seemed to have a hidden personal agenda that I didn’t discover until I was shanghaied.

Create and cultivate a culture of safety in the relationship. They have to know that your only motivation is what is best for them. This may mean you need to carefully define the meaning of the word “confidential” in your relationship. Don’t promise confidentiality that you cannot and should not provide.

Protect your personal integrity. Never break a legitimate confidence. This means you don’t say to a third person, “Don’t tell anyone, but … “ Never betray a confidence with the guise of a prayer request.

Put them at ease. Let them know that spending time with people is one of the things you enjoy most in life. Let them know that spending time with people is one of the things you enjoy most in life. Let them know that you enjoy them and are looking forward to spending time with them. This can be done with a simple statement like, “So I’ll see you tomorrow night at Starbucks? Great! I’m really looking forward to it. I think we’ll have a good time.”

Work hard at being appropriately transparent with them. An attitude that gives the impression that you have it all together spiritually and don’t have any problems in life will hinder their willingness to open up to you. People rightfully have a hard time trusting sinners who pretend to be perfect. Try to remove the atmosphere and expectation of perfection as early as possible in a relationship. This may be a simple comment, “I know this is something I am always doing battle with. How is your battle going?”

5. Start Talking:
I believe that asking questions is perhaps the best way to start conversations. We see that Christ often used questions to begin conversations.

Here are a few questions that I may use to start a spiritual conversation:
“So, on a scale of one to ten, how are your devotions going? One is, ‘what are devotions?’ and ten is ‘I have them every day in the original languages’.” Then ask them how you can take it to the next level. This 1 – 10 question is also helpful for those hard questions like their thought life, etc.
“So, what is the biggest challenge in your walk with God right now?”
If an individual is wanting to talk about a difficult topic but they just don’t know ho to start, you might ask, “So if you knew that you were absolutely safe and that nothing would change my care for you, what would you want to talk about?”
“What is the thing that scares you the most right now?”
“What has God been teaching you about Himself this week?”

As often as possible, use every conversation to connect their life with a Truth from God’s Word and leave them with a higher view of their God.

You can test their seriousness about spiritual matters by giving them a simple project that will engage and challenge them. This might be listening to a podcast, read an article, meditate on a verse or two of Scripture, read a chapter out of a book, etc. If they own that project and eagerly complete it, you know they’re serious about growing.

Once you start a spiritual conversation, keep talking. Okay, so I don’t mean that day, but I do mean don’t let one good conversation be your only spiritual conversation. Plan a follow up time. Ask them follow up questions to your previous conversation. Find out if they are making progress on their project.

6. Build On-Ramps:
Ministry is often strongest when more people are involved in those relationships. Often you will begin a relationship, but you realize that they don’t naturally relate to you. There is another believer that they have a more natural connection with.

This is great! This gives you an opportunity to get more people involved in their lives. This provides for greater fellowship, ministry opportunities, and accountability. Frankly, it is possible that another person will mentor and disciple this person better than you can.

Try to build an on-ramp that brings another person into the relationship you have worked hard to construct. Figure out a way to get another person involved in their life. Triangulation in relationships creates more effective ministry. This allows the person being disciple to have more resources and connections. This gives another person an opportunity to minister and invest. This also gives you greater flexibility in your schedule to be free to minister to others.
2 Timothy 2:2

Conclusion:
Now give it a try. Why don’t you stop right now and identify a person that you would like to try to construct a bridge of relationship that will result in ministry. This is rarely easy or convenient to your life’s schedule. Take fifteen minutes to work your way through these six steps of construction bridges for one person right now and develop a plan.

The average church is filled with good people who have lots of opinions! I regularly receive a variety of opinions ranging from my preaching style to the setup of our auditorium. One dear lady even regularly lets me know whether my tie is fashionable or not. As a pastor wading through the multiple opinions that are present in the local church I have found the following principles helpful.

1. Opinionated people are inevitable – because they are inevitable it is important for us to develop a thick skin that enables us to receive opinions with discretion and appreciation.

2. As I receive the multiple opinions, I have to filter them through the following two questions: #1. Does this distract us from our overall mission as a church? #2. Does this negatively affect the spiritual wellfare of our congregation? My level of seriousness about the opinion is determined by the answer to those questions.

3. So, whose opinions do I give the most weight to?

• The people with the most expertise in that area.
• The people who will be most affected by this new thing or change.
• The people who represent larger groups of people within the congregation.

As much work as it takes to manage the multiple opinions that flow through a church body, I really am thankful for them. Those opinions have brought great things into this ministry. If I had the choice of people with no opinions or a congregation full of opinions I would always choose the congregation full of opinions.