All to Him I Owe

Because each marriage contains two selfish people who fundamentally desire their “own way” (Isaiah 53:6), conflict between a husband and wife is inevitable. When those conflicts surface, we often encounter one or both of the following temptations: to respond to the conflict in a fleshly manner or to reconsider our marriage vows.

Please know today that fleshly solutions never solve spiritual problems between two selfish people. Instead, commit to God and your spouse that you will strive to deal spiritually with every sinful issue that surfaces in your marriage. Romans 8:6-8 reminds us that living carnally, or fleshly, only brings more death and further separation from God. The last thing any of us needs while experiencing conflict with our spouse is to also experience a strained relationship with God. 

Some conflicts between spouses are not solved overnight. It takes time for spiritual problems to be solved with spiritual solutions. The seemingly long amount of time to solve problems causes a lot of couples to grow weary and entertain the possibility of throwing in the towel and quitting on the marriage.

But you and I should remain committed to our marriages for two reasons. First, because marriage is designed by God to be a picture of His relationship with His Church. We offend God when we attempt to destroy His picture. We should be loyal and committed to our spouse because of what marriage represents. 

Second, we should be committed to our marriages because we made a vow to our spouse before God that we would remain married to that person until death parts us.  Our culture would say that divorce is permissible because marriage is fundamentally about your preference; therefore, if your spouse is no longer your preference, then you have every right to end the relationship and look for another. But commitment to our marriage is not a matter of preference; it is a matter of integrity. 

Hallmark defines romance with syrupy phrases that make a person feel really good. I would like to suggest, though, that romance is best communicated with words that communicate security, not “fuzzy” feelings. One of the most romantic things we can do for our spouse is to communicate that we are going to solve problems in spiritual ways and that we are firmly committed to our marriage. 

Love your spouse! Stay faithful to God and each other. Satan is lodging a full-blown war on marriages, but victory is possible with Christ.

Are you a little frustrated with the pace and speed of your sanctification? Does it seem like God has stopped working in your life?

We all love it when life leaps into forward gear and we make all kinds of progress. Problems just seem to fall away. Perhaps in your life you’ve had a season like that, a season when your life seemed to shine and flourish. Maybe it was when you first became a believer or during some period when your were very well nurtured by good community and wise input.

Then there are those seasons where things go very slowly. You wonder, “Is this all there is? Why do I keep struggling with the same old things? I keep losing my temper, or feeling anxious, or being clumsy in relationships…” What vision does God give us for what our lives are supposed to look like, especially when we’re dealing with the long, hard struggle part of being a Christian? Let me say two things with the hopes of encouraging you today.

First, don’t estimate your sanctification by how you are feeling. Remember that Philippians 1:6 states, “Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.” God has promised to be at work in our lives regardless of how we feel, or what we sense is happening. Estimate your sanctification progress with the promise of scripture in mind.

Second, remember that there are particular kinds of growth and strength that may be happening in our lives that we don’t even see. A survey of the beatitudes shows us that much of God’s work is far beneath the surface of our lives before it manifests itself with external actions. God may be growing you today by simply putting affections to death, putting new affections in place, and growing a love for God that will one day show itself in neat external ways. A lot of God’s work in our lives is not categorized as splashy transformations. They’re just good, quiet, strong, steady fruits of the Lord working in our lives.

Affliction makes you cherish your relationships. You begin to value your relationships more. Your heart is encouraged that you have people you can lean on in times of trouble and people who genuinely love you and are delighted to support you. When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and let others in on what we are going through pain strengthens the bond between you and your closest friends and family.

Affliction gives you a compassionate heart. You become more empathetic, tender-hearted and loving. You grow “eyes” that are able to notice others who are hurting and you don’t want others to be alone. It gives you the heart to go toward those who are brokenhearted, to reach out, to be kind. You learn what kinds of things to say, and things not to say. You learn when to listen, when to offer a hug, when to be silent, and when to speak.

Affliction increases your wisdom. You to see life differently and you are given a new perspective of what is most important and what is trivial. You begin to value things that you once overlooked and eliminate things you once thought you could never let go of. You learn how to respond to circumstances with thoughtfulness and intention. You learn to be slower to speak and quicker to listen. Little things don’t bother you as much anymore.

Affliction makes you stronger. Like a growing muscle, you grow in your ability to endure. With each trial and each season of struggling you are better prepared to face difficult situations in the future. Trials are painful, just like exercise can be at times, but after the healing, there is a great strength, which gives you increased ability to withstand even more.

Affliction reorders your priorities. You begin to put things in life in right perspective and as you gain laser sharp focus for what matters most. You might begin to reconsider your career, your health, where you live, how you spend your time, your finances and your relationships. It can help to re-route you and redirect you to new plans, new goals, and new adventures as you stop and ask questions regarding priority you previously didn’t know to ask.

Affliction makes you vulnerable, in the best ways. Your pain makes you approachable, real, and pure. Your life in the midst of brokenness becomes a humble invitation to others who need to be loved more deeply. Your pain gives a firm confirmation to others that you bleed just like they do. We aren’t meant to live life alone and our struggles help us to realize that we need others just as much as they need us.

Affliction teaches you the difference between happiness and joy. Happiness is circumstantial, joy is not. We are all tempted to look for ways to end the struggle, feel better and just be happy again. But through hardship, we begin to see that there is something far richer than happiness that is worth pursuing. True joy comes from the Lord, and it has nothing to do with how well or how hard our lives are. You begin to search for joy, which means time with Jesus, instead of a quick fix or a proverbial band-aid.

Affliction increases your faith. Pain brings you to the Bible, the Church and to godly people for advice, encouragement, and hope. When we can’t understand why certain things happen, you begin to realize that although there may not be answers you are not alone. Your desire to understand God and Truth become a priority; a priority you begin to set time aside for. You begin to consider God’s character, and you see the story of the gospel more clearly.

Affliction helps us serve others. When we struggle the Church is built up. Those who know Jesus are encouraged to seek Him in new and fresh ways. Those who do not yet know Jesus see the beauty that comes through your hope in the midst of pain and will begin to want to know where your hope comes from. Your suffering, in the path of righteousness, helps spur others on to be stronger, joy-filled, and more compassionate. It invites others around you to prioritize, to value, to also find joy in the Lord. Your brokenness offers an invitation for others to feel safe in their brokenness too. And your life softly whispers to all “you aren’t alone,” and breeds relational intimacy, oneness, friendship, and companionship.

Affliction glorifies God. It is in our weakness, not our strength, that God is made great. When we are in pain we no longer boast in ourselves, our accomplishments, or our achievements. We have the honor, through our suffering, to boast in Jesus and all He accomplished on the cross for our sake. Suffering produces an eternal weight of glory that will one day come.

“God, when He pleases, can make the worst of places to serve the best of purposes.” What a startling statement by Matthew Henry!

All of us are quick to recognize the worst of places. Sometimes it is an actual place like a waiting room, DMV, funeral parlor, or a broken-down car. Other times it is not a place but rather a season: a season of sickness, transition, moving, or death.

When we are in these places, it is easy to simply think about getting out of them! We sit in them poised to jump out of that place at the first opportunity God affords. If we are not careful, the intense desire to get out of that place can cloud our ability to see the best of purposes.

I’m thankful for the way that Deuteronomy 8:2-3 enables us to break through the fog and see a glimpse of God’s good purposes. It says, “And thou shalt remember all the way which the LORD thy God led thee these forty years in the wilderness, to humble thee, and to prove thee, to know what was in thine heart, whether thou wouldest keep his commandments, or no. And he humbled thee, and suffered thee to hunger, and fed thee with manna, which thou knewest not, neither did thy fathers know; that he might make thee know that man doth not live by bread only, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of the LORD doth man live.”

Notice the three good purposes that God served Israel in their difficult place:

1. Her eradicated their pride: “to humble thee…”
2. He revealed their motives: “to prove thee, to know what was in thine heart…”
3. He showed them the sufficiency of Scripture: “man doth not live by bread only, but by every word…”

Please don’t forget that God can make the worst of YOUR places to serve the best of purposes.

One man said, “I’m always in one of three stages of life. I’m either going through trouble, exiting out of trouble, or preparing for trouble to come.” Trouble is a constant in this sin-cursed world, and it can create a sense of instability and uncertainty. It rattles us and leaves us shaken. So, how should we respond to the trouble that shakes our lives?

Isaiah 33:5-6 contain two beautiful truths of God that serve as a beacon of hope in a time of trouble–His position and His possessions. Note the position of God in verse 5: “The Lord is exalted; for he dwelleth on high.” The word dwelleth implies that God consistently lives in this sovereign position of authority. There are no term limits and no potential that He may be demoted. In all of our life and at all times, God rules on high!

This past weekend, it was a delight to take truths we have learned together here at FBC and share them with couples from another church at their couples’ retreat. I suspect that my concentrated time with couples over the weekend is the reason that the married couples that God has gracious given our church have been on my mind this morning. Below are three truths that permeated my teaching this past weekend. I believe you will find them to be a help to you, as well.

1. Spiritually strong marriages are not the result of a couple being in agreement with each other but in agreement with God. Pop psychology teaches that a strong marriage is best accomplished when the marriage partners are operating in full agreement with each other. This teaching appears sound on the surface, but it has one major flaw in it. What if the couple is in agreement with each other about doing the wrong thing? Adam and Eve were in agreement about their sin, but the results of their sin were catastrophic for them and all who followed them. Spiritually strong marriages come when both partners are living in agreement with God. My goal in marriage should not be to persuade my wife to agree with me, but to persuade her to agree with God.

2. Spiritually strong marriages are not marriages free from sin but marriages that are dealing with sin the right way. Because marriages made up of two fallen sinners, it is impossible to have a marriage without the presence of sin this side of heaven. Spiritually strong marriages are characterized by couples who have learned to identify and respond to sin in a Biblical way. This means that they have learned to confront sin, not cover it. They have learned to confess their sins against each other to God and to their spouses, and they have learned to forgive the other’s sins. Many problems exist within marriages simply because couples have a long-lasting pattern of unbiblical responses to sin within the marriage.

3. Spiritually strong marriages are not marriages where both spouses know the Word of God but a marriage where both spouses are applying the Word of God. Churches like ours are filled with couples who know the Word of God well! We can quote the pertinent passages and even give others good counsel from the Word of God. But spiritually strong marriages are not created just because the Word of God is known. Spiritually strong marriages occur when husbands and wives strive to diligently apply the Word of God to all areas of their lives and marriages.

Spiritually strong marriages are possible and worth striving for!

Joel Korver went home to be with the Lord earlier this week. If someone ever asked me the question, “Who is Joel Korver and what is his significance in your life?” this is what I would say:

Joel Korver is a humble, simple man who has lived most of his life constructing buildings for ministries. But while he built those buildings, he was ministering to men like me. The buildings he built will slowly fade away, but his ministry in my life will remain for eternity. Joel Korver stepped into my life when I was a hard-hearted, rebellious, fifteen-year-old teenager. Love for others and a love for the gospel are the only possible explanations I can think of for his involvement in my life. He could have easily used his busy construction business or the vast span between our ages as an excuse to ignore me, but he didn’t. Instead, he initiated a relationship with me and was relentless in pursuing me with the gospel. He was not with me the cold November night I received Christ, but the seed he had sown in my life was present. I am eternally grateful for his investment!

Over the years, Mr. Korver has been an example to me in four specific ways that I want to be sure to emulate in my own life. First, he initiated a gospel-driven relationship with me, despite my lack of interest. I had no heart for the things of the Lord and communicated my disdain for Christianity in my words, actions, and demeanor. There was nothing on the surface of my life that would have indicated that I was a reachable soul, but that didn’t stop Mr. Korver. For some reason he zeroed in on my life and relentlessly pursued a relationship with me. My rebellious hijinks and coarse bitter words did not detour him. Instead they seemed to fuel his intensity to reach me.

Second, he creatively looked for platforms in my life to show me love and give me the gospel. Joel Korver gave me the gospel in his pickup, on a job site, and in his office. He was the master of inviting me to tag along with him simply for the purpose of trying to reach my heart. Those “tag along” activities took me to construction sites, his home, and his office where I found myself typically loading his truck with supplies or moving furniture. During those “tag alongs,” he sought to share with me his concern for the direction of my life and the condition of my heart. I heard his words in each of those conversations, but I also saw love displayed in the way he patiently listened and answered my antagonistic responses. One night, while he and I were moving filing cabinets in his office, the first cabinet I moved cut a slice across all five fingers on my right hand. I remember sitting in an office chair that night while he bandaged me up and took the opportunity to plead for me to get right with God. He told me that night that I was a sad young man and I would remain sad until Christ had full control of my life. He told me he was praying for me and that when I got right with God, I should consider going and working at a camp in California called Ironwood. Little did he know that in the months after my getting saved, his words to consider Ironwood would echo in my mind and eventually cause me to apply and then be accepted as an eighteen-year-old counselor right out of highschool. I continued working at Ironwood in the summers through college. While I was there I met my wife Beneth, fell in love with California, and developed a consuming burden to reach it with the gospel. I have served and will continue to serve within this state largely due to a simple word of advice given to me as an unsaved teenager with bleeding fingers. Little did he know that his advice would lead me and Beneth to serve full time at Ironwood for several years, to start a small church in Southern California, and to now pastor full-time a church in Folsom, California.

The third example Mr. Korver has set for me is that he has never taken any credit for my salvation. I have tried to personally share my thanks with him several times, but each time he has responded with humility by just saying that God was good to let him watch God work in my life. I am well aware that God is the One Who saves us, but the Word does say that God uses average men and women as messengers of the Gospel; and Joel Korver was one of those messengers in my life.

Finally, Joel Korver has been a constant encourager to me in my walk with God since my salvation. A few years ago, Mr. Korver showed up in the back of our church service unannounced to me. He stayed through the service and then joined our family for lunch. When I asked him why he was here, he said, “I just wanted to make sure you are staying faithful. So, are you?” His ministry was not just to give me the gospel. His ministry included encouraging me to walk with God and stay faithful. I can count at least three times over the years when he called me just to check on me. One time I even received a book, attached to a short letter which read, “I’m praying for you to remain faithful. This book might help.” Every believer needs someone who will just encourage and keep an eye on him. Mr. Korver has kept his eye on me and has illustrated to me that Gospel relationships don’t end when a person gets saved. Gospel relationships continue long after a person is saved.

God desires us to be reproductive Christians! We are designed and equipped to be giving the gospel and discipling others to walk with God. Anyone who has watched Mr. Korver, knows that he is a productive man. He is one of the hardest-working men I know. But in the midst of his productivity on the job site, Mr. Korver believed in spiritual reproduction and ministered to people like me. Only eternity will tell how many more lives were affected by his efforts and testimony. I’m confident that I was not the only needy soul that rode in Mr. Korver’s beat-up pickup truck getting counseled. His “tag along-with-me” style of ministry is a part of my ministry today. Countless people have ridden with me to do projects just because of my desire to talk to them about their heart. Each time I do that, I’m reminded of a man who did that in my life.

My life and ministry has been unquestionably touched by Mr. Korver’s life, and I am eternally grateful.

Thank you, Mr. Korver! 

Throughout the pages of Scripture, men of God were driven into times of prolonged solitude with God. The solitude came in places like an ark, a prison cell, the backside of a desert, a pasture, and the belly of a fish. God drove some of these men to these quiet places, while others just stepped into them through obedience.

We need quiet solitary places! This world can be a noisy place filled with the sounds of a fallen world and all of its temptations. Our souls are often noisy places as the worries, stress, and tensions mount and fill our lives. The noise fills our lives and makes the simple disciplines of the spiritual life like prayer, Bible reading, and Scripture meditation extremely difficult.

I wish that I desired the quiet places with God more than I do. The truth of the matter is that God often drives me kicking and screaming to the quiet places. It scares me that I get uncomfortable when it seems too quiet. I feel at times like an addict attempting to detox from noise while I fidget, wiggle, and wrestle with thoughts while God imposes quiet on my life. It amazes me that setting aside thirty minutes to an hour of quiet time with God can be such a battle. We bow our heads to pray and suddenly become ADD in our thoughts as we wrestle to articulate clear requests and praise to God.

My guess is that we are all very much alike. We are battling to have quiet time, while often battling with God, because He is driving us into the quiet place. Often, He is doing so through difficult circumstances and adversity. You might be facing some of these things today and wrestling with the idea that you are in a place where you have no one else but God and a lot of quiet. Think about this for a moment: if we are battling to have quiet time and God chooses to bring events into our lives that drive us into the quiet place, isn’t that a blessing?

I want to encourage you today to thank God for driving you into the quiet places. Take advantage of those places and “taste and see that the Lord is good.” Don’t hurry away from those times and places when it is just you and God. Relish those times and make the most of them. It is the goodness of God that He provides them for you.

I leave you with this encouraging poem below.

_________________________________________________________

I needed the quiet so He drew me aside.
Into the shadows where we could confide.
Away from the bustle where all the day long
I hurried and worried when active and strong.

I needed the quiet tho at first I rebelled
But gently, so gently, my cross He upheld
And whispered so sweetly of spiritual things.
Tho weakened in body, my spirit took wings
To heights never dreamed of when active all day.
He loved me so greatly He drew me away.

I needed the quiet. No prison my bed,
But a beautiful valley of blessings instead.
A place to grow richer in Jesus to hide.
I needed the quiet so He drew me aside.

Alice Hansche Mortenson

A few years ago this list by Dr. MacArthur was given to me along with a letter of encouragement. I have these ten things posted above my desk as a daily reminder to the seriousness and privilege of being a pastor. I agree with all ten of these! The 10th one is definitely true of me.

Ten Reasons I Am a Pastor
By John MacArthur

1. The church is the only institution Christ promised to build and bless.

2. The corporate functions of the Body all take place in the church.

3. Preaching is the chief human means God uses to dispense His grace. – I have the privilege each Sunday of proclaiming God’s message to His people – a message of grace, by which God saves people and transforms lives.

4. I can be consumed with study and communion with God. – There’s a public side to me that the congregation sees, but there’s a private side to me that only God knows.

5. I am directly responsible to God for the lives of the people He has given me to shepherd. – I watch over their souls as one “who will give an account” (Heb. 13:17).

6. I am also accountable to the people in my church. – Everything is exposed to them: my life and family, my personal strengths and weaknesses-everything. I cherish that accountability.

7. I love the challenge of building an effective leadership team from the people God has put in the church.

8. The pastorate embraces all of life. – I share the joy of parents over the birth of a child, as well as the pain of children over the death of a mother or father. I help celebrate at a wedding; I also offer comfort at a funeral. There is an inevitable unpredictability that accompanies my calling-an incredible adventure may begin at any given moment. It is at those times that the pastor goes beyond his sermon to stand in the gap for God in the lives of His people.

9. The rewards in this life are marvelous.

10. I’m afraid not to be a pastor.

This last Sunday I finished a two part session on Spiritual leadership in the home in our men’s Sunday School class. The first session was “Defining Spiritual Leadership.” Sadly, we were not able to record that one, but we were able to record the 2nd session. Here is the podcast to part 2 “Disciplines of Spiritual Leadership.”

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